A Young Boi's Life

Going on Vacation

2005-06-15T23:56:13Z

Going to Thailand next week Waa Hooo!

christian2003 @ 2005-04-14T15:40:00

2005-04-14T19:41:25Z

I'm dead in every aspect of life

christian2003 @ 2004-12-29T18:33:00

2004-12-29T23:35:04Z

I'm still alive...in case anyone was worried.

Life

2004-04-05T15:09:52Z

Wow, it's been a awhile since I wrote. I'm starting T in less than a month, and I'm totally stoked. The Great Big International Drag King Show is coming up, and we are getting ready for that.

WOw, I have a lot on my plate.

Work

Drag

Transitioning

My girlfriend

Moving into a bigger place

AAAAAHHHHH

I feel better

Where I stand in life....

2003-11-12T17:15:52Z

Well, it's been awhile since I have written in my journal. Everything is better in life. I have many people in my life I can call family: The DC Kings, BABW, Discovery Channel, and Erin. All I can do is smile, and it feels good to smile. One of the biggest reasons to smile is I can start paying Megan back. This has been a big priority in my life, and I hope that she is doing well, along with her girl. I know from her live journal that she has had a rough couple of months. I wish her the best and hope that things get better for her.

Peace,

Christian

Angels walk the earth....

2003-10-03T02:12:16Z

I believe that angels walk the earth,
they are all around,
we may not see them,
but when we close our eyes, we feel them...

I have one in my life right now...she is beautiful and angelic.
Her arms are comfort to me, her voice, a calm for my restless heart.
Her eyes, filled with passion...passion so deep and wide...it could not be contained in all the oceans in the world.

Her love and compassion is raw and unreal, not of this world. She looks at me, and makes me feel whole, makes me feel that I'm invincible to the world...Nothing can stop me from anything I do...she motivates me in ways unknown to man.

She loves me for my imperfections and perfections...

She believes in me....

and I....I love her for that....

Christian

Is this a dream?

2003-09-28T19:14:21Z

Is this a dream? Or will twisted fate of reality grip everything that I love away from me? Finally, I'm happy in life. Happy with someone, happy with a job, happy with my friends....right now life couldn't get any better. For about a year and half now, I've been miserable with life and love, moving from one place to another not finding my piece of the puzzle to fit. I've jumped from one person to another, in and out of love. Being burned left and right. Being used and abused...my body violated and my faced beaten. Yeah, it's been rough...but it's also made me put on a tougher skin. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and every time it was ripped off. I used to put up walls so no one could climb them. But "she" changes me, for the good. She has penetrated through my walls and broken the barrier. Instead of ripping my heart, she nurtures it. I'm just sorry that I have to give her a heart with scars and pain.

Explanation

2003-09-22T20:23:12Z

By my last journal entry, one would think that I was depressed or suicidal...and that's not the case at all. Yes I was upset with the past situations in my life...but there's no point to dwell on it, there's nothing that I or anyone else can change about it...but there's something that I can do...move on. Move on and better myself, better my life, and better my relationship with people I love.

I just want to be happy in life and currently I'm at that state. I'm happy where I'm at. Someone in my life right, makes me the happiest person in the world. To hear her voice and to see her smile and laugh, makes me lose all breath. The feeling of her touch makes me melt inside.

She makes me motivated in life, and I want to be her inspiration as well. I want her to be proud of me and of us. I fell in love with an amazing woman, someone who is like no other. Beautiful, Intelligent, Sexy both in body, mind and spirit. She is so strong and so compassionate, the world needs to know of her greatness.

For you babe,

You are truly a goddess in my eyes, a goddess who holds the power of truth, beauty, compassion, love, and wisdom. You never stop amazing me everyday. Your eyes are beautiful and comforting to me. You speak words so true, so bold, and so you. I close my eyes and I see you smiling at me. I love you, and I will always cherish you in my heart. Believe in me, have faith in me, and trust. I ask you not to stand in front of me for protection from the outside forces of the world, I ask you not to stand behind me, looking out for me, watching each step I take, but I ask for you to stand next to me, and experience life with me....share moments...share the struggles and share the triumphs with me. Take each step with me, and never let go.

I love you,

Jess

Fuck up

2003-09-18T03:48:32Z

Yes, I'm a total fuck up...I've lost everything, that's matter in my life. My friends and my family (people who thought I was family and took me under there wing) I'm such a fucking loser. And in all the fate of all of this...I found someone who cares for me...someone who sees my flaws....but accepts me...someone who said they are falling in love with me. Now...by twisted fucked up fate...I can lose of it. I can lose my kingship, my family, my girlfriend, my schooling, my future, my life......gone. On what....stupid petty shit, that I could have just asked for. Why? You're asking yourself why? Fuck, I don't even know why I did it. Impulse, Power, the feeling that I could do it....blinded by stupidity. Now look at where it's got me...fucking nowhere........If you are reading this.....and I hurt you......please don't do anything irrational....let me justify myself and pay you back.....let me live with this shame and guilt in my heart for the rest of me life.....because it hurts so fucking bad...and I don't want to feel it anymore.....I don't want to feel this pain anymore...I want to move on and start a new life with new friends and a new girlfriend...who I care for very much......Don't kill me now.....Only fate could put me in such a situation. And she's kicked me right in the teeth and I cower like a beaten dog. I just want to move on........and die.

Forever rotting in my own hell,

J/C

Tingles and all

2003-09-16T16:43:04Z

Wow...what an exacting night...We had a party all night last night! The Dukes, Megan, and Chance all hung out. Most of the night was the Dukes and Megan...but that's a whole journal entry all in it's own! But last night...I hung out with an amazing person. Erin (Chance) is a great person, and just hanging out with her is great! I had some of the most in-depth conversations with her, that sometimes wanted to make me cry. The words that flow out of her mouth, especally when she tells a story or an event in her life, fills the air with so much passion and emotion that it sends tingles through my body. I could sit all day and just talk to her about life and the world and I would be happy. That's all I ever ask for, is someone I can share my experiances with. So last night, Chance and I made it offical...(in a cheesy junior high, little boi kind of way) and now I can call her my girlfriend...Yeah Yeah I know what most of you're thinking? Christian....a girlfriend? What's up with that? Well, it's true and I really think this is going to work...I'm not going to screw this up...this one is special....I have to find that one thing that's unique about them but I know it exists...I don't care if it takes a lifetime to find....I will though...and I promise to her and to myself that I won't "play in the dumpster"....and I'm not a trash kid...I can't wait to share my experiances with her....I except her and her life with open arms and my mind wide open.....and my spirit free..........

Namaste (The inner being in me greets the inner being in you) and Ragemore,

Christian

New Friends and other stuff

2003-09-16T00:38:39Z

Well, what to talk about. I guess I will start with this weekend beginning with Thurs. Megan was gone to Myrtle Beach and Kate was in Philly with her parents. So I had the house to myself. I hung out with Shane and Angela, went to there house and for some reason we decided on impulse to go to Club Nation in DC....Of course like all good plans there's always a flaw, which was we got a bit lost but recovered. The club was nice in structure but there were not a lot of people there because it was so late and a Thurs. night. So we went home and I went to bed. Woke up around 7 in the morning on Fri. I was suppose to go to RenFest with Shane and Angela but it was raining and so that didn't happen. Fri. I cleaned the house a bit and hung out. I decided to go see Cabin Fever...one of the worst movies I have ever seen in a while. It sucked ass. Then I came home and with surprise Shane and Angela are at my door. So we hung out and stayed up until, about 7 in the morning. It was great. Course I went to bed and slept for a few hours. On Sat. I called my friends Jake and Noah and went with them to Apex, on the way there, we had to stop at Ken Las Vegas's home. Now, if you know anything about Drag, you would know names like Diane Torr, Moe B. Dick, Pat Triarch, and Ken Las Vegas. When I started drag about 5 years ago, I mentored these names and now to be sitting in the presence of one is awesome. I got to hang out with Ken and he is a pretty chill guy...(and hot) Well, finally we all went to Apex and me in Drag it was great. So I went back stage and met some of the DC Kings, like Chapman, Nick, Alix, Jinx, and being back there was a great feeling. Suddenly, this drag queen Anastasia (sorry if it's spelled wrong) asked me if I knew J. Lo and Ja Rule "I'm Real" I said yeah I have preformed that before. Then is a whirl wind I find myself preforming for Apex! It was a great feeling. I remember going to Apex for the 1st time and I was a nobody, but that night people liked me, I didn't get bumped into and people talked to me. It was the greatest feeling in the world. The DC Kings are a close family and it's very hard to find something like that. I hope to be a part of them one day.

So after having a good night preforming at Apex, the night was not over. I had been noticing and hearing about this cute person around the bar. Chance. He and I met about 3-4 weeks ago at Apex when it was my first time there. That night I met Jake and Noah, and Chance. Who I do admit was very cute that night. Well, to my surprise that's who was at the bar this past Sat. and was very surprised to see me. We hung out and danced and had a good time. That night, we went to Chance's home and I got to see he's other side....Erin. Who is very much an amazing person. She is great in all aspects. Smart, funny, cute, and a damn good kisser. She has done amazing things in her life and I'm sure she is not going to stop now. She will go on and do great things for her and for the world. I hope I can soon be part of her world.

Yesterday, Kate, Megan, Chance, and I all hung out and watched TV and stuff. Chance and I chilled on the couch, and cuddled which felt good. I haven't cuddled with someone for a while, and to have that feeling back is awesome. Erin has amazed me so far, and I can't wait for more.

Tonight, All of us are hanging out again and hopefully it will be good times. Our attempt for a party did not work out so well, but whatever, we will have fun!

Well I hope everyone is having fun where ever you are and everyone be safe....I love you all.

Peace, love and Ragemore,

Christian....

Bored

2003-09-09T21:22:53Z

Hey there,

I was bored and I wanted to add this.....Talk to you later.

Peace Out,

Jess

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Having no direction

2003-09-09T09:09:20Z

So it's 4:45 in the morning and I can't sleep...big surprise there. So what happened today? Ummm not too much. Went to lunch with Kate, and Megan at Lonestar Steakhouse. After that, we went to the mall, where I picked up applications, cause I need a job. Megan and Kate also picked up some stuff they bought at the mall. Afterwards, we came home and chilled with our neighbors. Kate and I played the PS2 and watched the Tampa Bay vs Philly game with our neighbors. We stayed up till about 4:30 for no reason at all.
So, you might want to ask yourself, what does Jess think about when she can't sleep. Everything, and I envy everyone who can. I think about my life and how I ended up here. I think about where I can take it and where do I go from here. I think about the mistakes I've made. Sometimes it's not the best thing in the world to think about. I just moved in with Megan and I personal think that we will get along. She is a great girl, and we click a lot.
So, yeah what do I do right now in my life? Do I start looking for love or keep playing the field like I'm doing now? I think that having a girlfriend would help me out in life a lot. Maybe I can get someone to set me up with someone. I just miss having that feeling of someone caring about you and that you have someone to cuddle with at night. I get lonely and it drives me crazy. I've thought about getting a ferret, but my first thing I need is a cell phone. This is the most important right now.
After Carter, I thought maybe I should take a break from a relationship, but I feel even more miserible. I need something, I need stablity. Maybe I can find someone who can help me with that.
Having my complex and feeling like I'm not attractive is awful. When I went to Apex like 2 weeks ago. I thought I looked good, but I didn't get aproached by anyone. Now, both Megan and Kate both say that I'm cute and they are hot themselves, so that means I have to be a bit attractive if they like me? So where is that girl out there. I just want someone who I can believe in and trust and that I can charish and care for.
This is rambling on about nothing. Maybe I need a drink. I can't write anymore, I will, try to finish something later this morning.

On a good note, John Mayer's new cd comes out today.

Peace out, and Ragemore

Jess

My life is a movie

2003-09-08T17:22:50Z

This past weekend has been a blast. Well, why shouldn't it not be? Hanging out with my friends is always a blast. Friday was the Amatuer Drag King Contest in Mt. Pleasent, PA at Yuppies. It was a good show, we needed more people, but what the hell, you know. The preformers did a good job as well as the contestents. My performances consisted of "When Dove's Cry" From the Romeo and Juliet Soundtrack, and "Pussy Control" by Prince. From the response from the crowd, they liked the show. My friends, Carter and Chandler (who are from West VA) did a awesome job and looked hot. My brother, Skyler pimped out Nelly and pimped out a friend of mine, he's awesome. Christopher, who really is not a friend but someone who was not a favorite with the company of the kings, won the contest, (but it was bullshit, I'll get back to that is a bit) I have to give him props for his performance, doing "Lose Yourself" by Eminem. I mean he looked the part and had the words down, but his overall performance was boring and not crowd pleasing. Now, I'm not playing favoritism, but I have to admit, my boi Slater, had the words down, and his performace rocked. I say this because it did. He performed the B-52's "Love Shack" He dressed the part, had back-up dancers, had chrographed moves. It was well conducted, and he got second. Now, I'm a bit heated by the results, like everyone else....but justice will be found.
So, the drag show was okay. The afterparty was even better. All the bois and their friends, invaded Pittsburg,and had a kick-ass party. Our night, started after being followed by a thug, who kept asking us stupid questions. So some of the bois and I stayed behind to protect the girls with us, and finally I asked him "If he was following us?" He responded with "No..." Then I said "Well, then there's two sides of the sidewalk" and he left. Once we finally got back to the house that we were supposed to be at, we got our drink on. Everyone had fun, we played games, remembered the night, and finally went to bed around 6:30 in the morning.
So now I am no longer living in PA, yesterday I moved my stuff from PA to Fredrick, MD and now I am living with a good friend, and it's all good. Well, I hope that will enjoy my new change with my friends and some of them I will miss because they are leaving me to go the San Francisco....(not to mention any names) "Kate"....No, I hope she will have fun and that she will be missed by everyone. She's a good kid, and a true friend.

Peace Out and Ragemore

Jess